The funniest thing in life is that happy things come at you just as unexpectedly as unhappy things. You see, a month ago, I was absolutely happy enjoying my new found power in spending as opposed to my life in US when I was income-less and consistently reminding myself to be frugal with every turn of my head even as my eyes fall astray to look at something I might desire to possess when I came across them.

I felt completely blessed to return to Singapore and be almost immediately taken back to my previous job by my ex-boss and highly encouraged by the career plans my direct and indirect supervisors were all talking excitedly to me about. I was psyched. My prior fears that I might have become obsolete were no longer true.

I'd returned to work and been told I was the right person in the right place at the right time because they needed someone of my expertise. I was like,"Wow! They actually need me."

So I geared myself up for political strategies, diplomatic networking and incessant hours. As much as needed. I'll do it. I'm grateful to be given a job after all that time vacationing in US. 3.5 years to be exact.

Then as fast as my simple contentment in life had settled in my heart, my naivety ended when I began to hear of this and that person I once knew and how much they're earning or how many properties they're buying or which country club they belonged. I was depressed for a a few days. But not for long. It's not in my personality to be depressed for long really. Life is too short for things like that.

So I thought I needed to remind myself of what really is important in life. Meditate on the things that matter to me. And here it is. The top 10 things that make me happy in no particular order of priority.

1) Happiness is in buying things I like without batting an eye-lid or giving a second thought to how I'm going to make ends meet.

2) Happiness is seeing Don sleeping next to me in the morning, and then nesting my head on his shoulder to snuggle and wake him gently before we gear up for work.

3) Happiness is smelling Don in fresh clothes.

4) Happiness is having lost some weight and then pigging out at Korean BBQ because you deserve to eat now.

5) Happiness is walking hand-in-hand with Don down the Siglap Connector in the cool evenings of Singapore and head towards the beach to chat about life or go for a chocolate sundae at McDonalds by the coast because we now deserved to eat after having walked a mile.

6) Happiness is watching movies in our bedroom with the air-conditioner on full blast so we have to snuggle under the comforter with only our faces half peeping at the TV.

7) Happiness is having written a paragraph or chapter for that book I'm still working on since 2 years ago.

8) Happiness is going for lunch with wonderful colleagues who stand by me no matter how stupid I've behaved in the last meeting or discussion.

9) Happiness is doing something new every month, like this month had been all about changing my dress image. I wonder what's next month? And that's fun to think about and makes me happy too.

10) Happiness is knowing I'm of noble blood because I have the blood of Christ, the King of Kings, running through my veins. It makes me raise my head, invariably makes me walk taller, with my header held higher, and strut about in life with purpose.

Reflecting on the above, just typing it, make me feel so happy. People should try it sometime. Perhaps if you read this note, you can try it. There is so much I feel happy about. I can't ever tell people how blessed I feel. I don't think people would understand. Because after all, they don't live my life. They're not me.

Only I know what makes me happy.

http://malaysia.news.yahoo.com/cna/20090520/tap-461-singapores-all-women-team-succes-231650b.html

My initial elation upon reading the headlines of this article was swiftly replaced with one of anger and indignation by a comment by a staff from Republic Polytechnic, David Lim. I quote here his words, "It really represents that if women put in the time and effort and they set their objectives right, they can achieve things on par with men."

I put this in here to remind myself why I hate Singapore. The gender bias in the country is so worked into the nation that the media actually printed his quote thinking it was an encouragement. Fiddlesticks! It couldn't have been more disparaging and condescending in the midst of such victory.

Yes, I hate the Singapore culture. The rampant pompous attitudes and false modesty that has become so innate that the people do not even realize what they are or have become. The Singapore life is like a matrix that has been created for the people by the people. And no, the government is not to be blamed. Foreign media can criticize all they want about us having a socialistic government, but really, the people were the ones who chose to live that way. The government didn't force them to do anything they didn't want. The people chose to live their lives dictated because they believe in that style of management.

True socialism in a country would not have allowed its citizens to leave. But the Singapore government has not once ever stopped any citizen from leaving. If anything, they'd established diplomatic ties and pushed hard for the Singapore passport to have easy access to all countries in the world so its citizens need not fuss for visas to travel.

On that account, Singapore is definitely not socialistic. It's a free country. Free for its citizens to leave if they didn't like the management and free for any country's degree-holders (I must qualify that it's only degree holders that we want!) to enter! And plenty are coming. People choose their way of life.

Those who do not like the Singapore culture leave ultimately.

Therefore, the government is not to be blamed for the people are the ones who want their lives run that way. They want someone to tell them what to do so when things go wrong, they have someone other than themselves to blame.

Yes, that's the horrid truth about the mass cowardice in the average Singaporean. The only ones that are courageous instead I believe work in the government who are daring enough to make choices to try and lead an immature nation.

Oh I just realized I've digressed from my earlier feminist subject. But from what I've written, it's suffice to summarize that Singaporeans are latent anti-feminists (without themselves knowing!) and cowards when it comes to living true to reaching their dreams or desires.

Greatness is measured surely by others for it is what other people say that determines how great you are. However it's very hard to live life relying on what other people say. Then you'll be tossed and turned by whatever that's cast in your path of life. So it's probably best to believe that life is great as long as you think it is. Who cares what others think when you are the one who live with yourself all day long? It's strange how people end up living with other people's words in their minds all their lives instead of living with themselves for who, what or how they wish to be.

Would I be able to live just with myself though and my own words in my mind, reminding myself of how loved I am by my heavenly Father and how great I am in His eyes simply because I have Jesus' blood running through my veins?

THIRTY-FIVE, AND GOING STRONG...

I'll be 35 this Friday. It's scary when I look back and wonder what I'd done with my life, and worse when I wonder what I want to do with my life after.

It almost seems as if every direction I take is going to lead me to some form of regret. It's terrible. I hate regrets. The reason I'd got so far in life all the time is because I'd always known exactly what to do that would not lead me to regrets. Or at least, i think so. But this time, I'm judiciously stumped.

Very confused.

I'm good at a lot of things, for that I'm grateful. But that doesn't mean I have a passion for the things I delve in, be it cooking, sports, singing, dancing, acting, performing concertos, reading, writing and anything else I've tried. It also doesn't mean I'm a master of any of it.

My Mum could have called me Jack when I was born, so then I would truly be a Jack of all trades.

What does it all mean?

That I'm accomplished, but not developed enough, or that I'm developed, but not accomplished enough. Which way should I see it?

In the movie, "I am David", one scene really touched me (I'm not quoting this verbatim, but the essence is here). It was when Joan Plowright (Sophie) says to Ben Tibber (David), "You look like you're going to be someone great," to which Ben replies, "I don't want to be someone great!". Then Sophie comforts him with the wisest words: "That's ok. Then be happy knowing that you could be if you wanted to be."

I think I really needed to hear that. I always wanted to be someone great. Someone who've touched the world in some way, changed someone's life for the better, made a difference somehow to renew mankind.

I think now, in a way, it's really vanity. Meaningless vanity, as Solomon says in Ecclesiastes. I never thought of it as vanity before though, cos vanity to me had always been a chasing after money, promotions, good looks, a gold-and-silver type of pursuit. But really, all my altruistic ambitions have well-cloaked my latent need to feed my self-ego.

Today, I feel the need to run. To run free, without burden, without care, without thought to what another man might say or judge.

I wonder if that's what heaven would be like. To run free, light as the wind, fast as lightning, through lolling, lush hills and over mesmerizing, blue oceans. Till I visit heaven myself, I can only imagine.

The Jerusalem Cricket At Our Doorstep

Okay, this was really creepy for me, especially when I've been watching tons of alien shows recently. Anyway, I've since googled and come to the conclusion that it's not an alien but a Jerusalem Cricket. It was huge though, and definitely moving in a baleful way to me. I hate anything that staggers, no matter what size.

And it staggered about on my doormat forever. Tibby wanted to eat it immediately, of course, but I guess it must have smelled foul. Joy confirmed that crickets give off offensive smells to protect itself from being eaten. So even though I didn't go near enough to the anathema to smell it, I bet it really was rank. And it certainly looked putrescent anyway. Ugh*

Well, first thing first. You know, of course I had to feed Tibby to distract her from any further thoughts on making the prey a side dessert for lunch. Next, I took out my camera to snap away and record its actions. Totally National Geographic instincts taking over.

Here it is:

Jerusalem Cricket 1 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.



Jerusalem Cricket 2 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 3 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 4 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 5 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.

At age 33, I became a mother to the girl standing next to me.

Since I got to know Joy last fall, and started going places together, many have mistaken me for her mother. Like when we go to SCAD functions, the security guard at the door would often ask if I were her mother.

Then the other day, we were at Tybee Island enjoying a social nights out with all the home group's families and children. A friend's teenaged son asked her innocently, "Where's your mum?", to which she replied quizzically, "Who? My mum's not in America."

Turned out he meant to ask her where I was.

I told her the boy was probably hitting on her with the most popular opening liner for teenagers, "Where's your mum?".

I choose to believe that the muddled identities were because Joy looked too young, and that surely, it was not a reflection of my youth, or maturity, in this case, which I reluctantly add. Moreover, the more I look at our pics, the more I see some similar features, like our noses have the same sharp angles and our smiles were of the same cheer.

Steph said we have the same chub on our cheeks, I wasn't sure if I was happy to hear that, and I'm sure Joy would not appreciate the comment. Still, perhaps when she slims down, we'll look less like each other.

A dear friend of ours has just become first-time mother and father! Look at the dear little thing with a full head of blond hair! Awesome! I wish we could visit them, but they're about 10hrs' drive from us.









May the Lord bless them, Heather and Will, and their little one (also called Will!), and keep them, and make His face to shine upon them, bestowing extraordinary wisdom upon Heather in motherhood, and supernatural shalom peace upon Will even as he returns to serve the US army in Iraq in 2 weeks' time, and let His glory be upon their faces always and in everything that they do, AMEN!