Greatness is measured surely by others for it is what other people say that determines how great you are. However it's very hard to live life relying on what other people say. Then you'll be tossed and turned by whatever that's cast in your path of life. So it's probably best to believe that life is great as long as you think it is. Who cares what others think when you are the one who live with yourself all day long? It's strange how people end up living with other people's words in their minds all their lives instead of living with themselves for who, what or how they wish to be.

Would I be able to live just with myself though and my own words in my mind, reminding myself of how loved I am by my heavenly Father and how great I am in His eyes simply because I have Jesus' blood running through my veins?

THIRTY-FIVE, AND GOING STRONG...

I'll be 35 this Friday. It's scary when I look back and wonder what I'd done with my life, and worse when I wonder what I want to do with my life after.

It almost seems as if every direction I take is going to lead me to some form of regret. It's terrible. I hate regrets. The reason I'd got so far in life all the time is because I'd always known exactly what to do that would not lead me to regrets. Or at least, i think so. But this time, I'm judiciously stumped.

Very confused.

I'm good at a lot of things, for that I'm grateful. But that doesn't mean I have a passion for the things I delve in, be it cooking, sports, singing, dancing, acting, performing concertos, reading, writing and anything else I've tried. It also doesn't mean I'm a master of any of it.

My Mum could have called me Jack when I was born, so then I would truly be a Jack of all trades.

What does it all mean?

That I'm accomplished, but not developed enough, or that I'm developed, but not accomplished enough. Which way should I see it?

In the movie, "I am David", one scene really touched me (I'm not quoting this verbatim, but the essence is here). It was when Joan Plowright (Sophie) says to Ben Tibber (David), "You look like you're going to be someone great," to which Ben replies, "I don't want to be someone great!". Then Sophie comforts him with the wisest words: "That's ok. Then be happy knowing that you could be if you wanted to be."

I think I really needed to hear that. I always wanted to be someone great. Someone who've touched the world in some way, changed someone's life for the better, made a difference somehow to renew mankind.

I think now, in a way, it's really vanity. Meaningless vanity, as Solomon says in Ecclesiastes. I never thought of it as vanity before though, cos vanity to me had always been a chasing after money, promotions, good looks, a gold-and-silver type of pursuit. But really, all my altruistic ambitions have well-cloaked my latent need to feed my self-ego.

Today, I feel the need to run. To run free, without burden, without care, without thought to what another man might say or judge.

I wonder if that's what heaven would be like. To run free, light as the wind, fast as lightning, through lolling, lush hills and over mesmerizing, blue oceans. Till I visit heaven myself, I can only imagine.

The Jerusalem Cricket At Our Doorstep

Okay, this was really creepy for me, especially when I've been watching tons of alien shows recently. Anyway, I've since googled and come to the conclusion that it's not an alien but a Jerusalem Cricket. It was huge though, and definitely moving in a baleful way to me. I hate anything that staggers, no matter what size.

And it staggered about on my doormat forever. Tibby wanted to eat it immediately, of course, but I guess it must have smelled foul. Joy confirmed that crickets give off offensive smells to protect itself from being eaten. So even though I didn't go near enough to the anathema to smell it, I bet it really was rank. And it certainly looked putrescent anyway. Ugh*

Well, first thing first. You know, of course I had to feed Tibby to distract her from any further thoughts on making the prey a side dessert for lunch. Next, I took out my camera to snap away and record its actions. Totally National Geographic instincts taking over.

Here it is:

Jerusalem Cricket 1 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.



Jerusalem Cricket 2 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 3 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 4 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.


Jerusalem Cricket 5 from Katherine Soh on Vimeo.